Speakers demystify ‘female O’
Women and their sexual partners should explore their bodies freely, either alone or in the company of someone deserving of their choosing, to achieve an amazing orgasm, two sex educators said Thursday, March 1.
Lindsay Fram and Marshall Miller visited Texas A&M University-San Antonio to bring clarity, insight and edgy facts regarding the female orgasm. Ninety-five students — both men and women — filled the seats inside the Ceremony Room of Patriots’ Casa for their lecture, “The Female O.” The Campus Activities Board hosted the event.
Fram has a master’s in public health from Tulane University and is the author of “Above the Waist: Sexuality Education Beginning With The Brain.” Miller is a freelance sex educator who earned a degree in society and sexuality from Brown University and co-authored the book “I Love Female Orgasm.”
“Your cookie is normal, your cookie is beautiful, your cookie is delicious!” Fram told the audience. “And we’re not talking about cookies; we’re talking about genitals.”
The goal is to educate men and women to ensure everyone is getting “the pleasure that [they] deserve,” Fram said. “We have tips also for partners, for guys who may be thinking, well, what can we be doing to help the cause?”
Fram and Miller defined the term “female” to rule out any misunderstandings or unintentional offenses. They said it refers to people who were female at birth and those who identify as women. Fram includes cisgender and transgender individuals because she is well aware that these “two categories overlap and sometimes they don’t.”
The orgasm adventure took off into a two-hour course with loads of information and laughs from the audience as Fram and Miller lectured alongside their cartoon female superhero Clitora, who every so often would fly in with an orgasm tip on the projected screen.
Clitora’s first tip to the students was: Befriend your vulva.
“If you don’t feel good about your genitals, that can really get in the way of your orgasm,” Fram said. “If you have a vulva and you’re not well acquainted, get a mirror, take a look, say ‘hello’, be a good neighbor.”
On average, it takes about 20 minutes for direct stimulation, that feels good, to reach orgasm. For people with penises, it takes about two to five minutes average.
“So if you’re wondering ‘Hmm, I’d like to have an orgasm, where should I start? Clitoris is the place to start,” Fram said.
“The clitoris is located at the top of the vulva outside of the body, not inside the vagina, and I’d like to think of it as a little button. The clitoris is densely, densely packed with nerve endings, so stimulating this part of the body is most likely to lead to an orgasm,” Fram said.
Yet the stimulation is not limited to the clitoris alone; the part that feels the best is the clitoral shaft, Fram said. “It feels like a cord or string that you can roll back and forth under your finger. If you’re curious later on today, you can go on searching for your clitoral shaft or someone else’s clitoral shaft, always with consent.”
Therefore, a perfect question to ask at any point is, “Is this OK?” Fram and Miller highlight the importance of an individual’s permission and respect throughout the act or carrying out of intercourse.
“Women have orgasms in lots of different ways,” Fram said.
Miller and his partner, Dorian Solot, wrote “I Love Female Orgasm,” Fram said. As research, they interviewed more than 2,000 people of different sexual orientations and gender identities and asked women, “What’s the fastest way to have an orgasm?” The No.1 answer was masturbation with their own hand.
However, simply because it was the fastest should not imply that it’s the best way to have an orgasm. Miller and Solot then asked, “What’s your favorite way to have an orgasm? Most common answer: oral sex. Fram said, “fingers for masturbation and tongues for oral sex work really good in stimulating the clitoris.”
Edging is also another way of achieving an orgasm. The idea is that one gets to the point where they are about to have an orgasm, but then backs off to doing something different that still feels good, until they get to the point of having an orgasm.
“Essentially you are going back and forth from the two until you can’t take it anymore and let it all go,” Fram said. Some people say that when they do that, the physical sensation of having an orgasm is actually a lot bigger than letting it come the first time.”
The afternoon was filled with back-to-back outbursts of laughs from students and sex educators Fram and Miller.
Miller said, “Whether you choose to put this information to use right away or down the road in a marriage relationship or if you come as someone who knows a lot wanting to learn more or this is the first sex education program you’ve been to, we welcome everybody here.”
“The female orgasm is a juicy topic,” Fram said.
In the end an “orgasm is basically a series of muscle contractions that feel really, really good,” Fram said. Various people feel the contractions in different places. “Some say the vagina, hands, feet and [others describe it as] waves of warmth, excitement or energy across [their] body.”
“Orgasms are awesome!” she said. “They reduce stress, headaches, menstrual cramps, burn calories, reduce junk food cravings and [are] a great way to spend a Thursday afternoon.”